Sometimes I think there’s an advantage to letting people underestimate you. You don’t always have to show everything you know or correct every assumption people make about you. Sometimes it’s better to sit back and observe.
People will tell you a lot about themselves when they think you don’t know any better. How they talk to you, how they treat you, how comfortable they get with looking down on you. You might learn more from that than you would by immediately letting them know you see right through them.
But I think the real skill is knowing when to reveal yourself and when to leave people with whatever impression they’ve formed.
I used to think being misunderstood meant I needed to explain myself better. Now I think some misunderstandings just aren’t worth the energy. If somebody’s perception of me has real consequences, that’s one thing. But if they simply don’t know the full story, I don’t always feel obligated to give them one.
At the same time, there’s a difference between choosing to keep things to yourself and feeling like you have to hide who you are. One is discretion. The other can turn into a prison.
I don’t want to spend my life studying everybody, calculating every interaction, or worrying about what people think they know about me. Sometimes I just want to exist without feeling like I have to manage somebody else’s perception.
I can be quiet without being clueless. There’s more to me than what people see, and I don’t always feel the need to show them.
And if somebody underestimates me, I can decide whether correcting them is even worth my time.
Not everybody needs access to every part of me, and not everybody needs to understand me.
I’m learning that I can let people have their opinions without making it my responsibility to change them.
— Bo