I think being quiet, passive, and not really argumentative makes people way too comfortable talking down to me. It’s like because I’m not the type to go back and forth with everybody, people assume they can say whatever they want, downplay what I’m dealing with, or tell me who I am like I don’t know myself.
And the crazy part is, I’m constantly misunderstood, but people will swear they know me.
Sometimes I’ll try to explain something I’m dealing with, and instead of actually listening, people start making assumptions about what caused it. They’ll connect dots that aren’t theirs to connect, reduce my experiences to their own explanations, and act like they understand me better than I understand myself.
The truth is, I was never really interested in the standard social script to begin with. I turned down parties, never went to the school dances or prom, and wasn’t interested in being part of every social event. I figured out pretty early that I wasn’t necessarily the person everybody was checking for, and I made peace with that.
Everybody isn’t going to be everybody’s favorite person. Everybody isn’t going to be the one people call when it’s time to go out or make plans. That’s just reality. And at some point, you stop worrying so much about being included in everything and start living your life on your own terms.
I wasn’t sitting around wishing I could be part of a world I didn’t even want to participate in.
But people have a hard time accepting that some of us genuinely don’t want the same things they want. If your idea of a good time is going out, being around a crowd, and constantly socializing, cool. Do your thing. Just don’t assume everybody who moves differently is missing something.
I don’t want to go to a club or a strip club, and people look at me funny. Like something must be wrong with me because I don’t want to spend my night in a crowded room being seen and perceived by everybody around me.
I’ve never been comfortable with that shit. I don’t enjoy feeling like I’m on display. That doesn’t automatically mean I’m scared, sheltered, damaged, or missing out on life. Maybe I just don’t want to be there.
And that’s what bothers me about people trying to explain me to myself. They take a few things they know about me, build a whole theory around them, and act like they’ve figured out my entire personality.
There’s a difference between trying to understand somebody and deciding you already have them figured out. One requires listening. The other just requires assumptions.
Some people don’t actually know you. They know a few things about you, and they’re way too confident filling in the blanks.
And being quiet makes it even easier for them because I’m not always going to argue my case. I’m not going to turn every conversation into a debate just to prove that my feelings are valid or that I have a reason for moving the way I do.
But my silence doesn’t mean I agree with you. My lack of an argument doesn’t mean your assumptions are right. And just because I don’t feel the need to explain myself every five minutes doesn’t mean you understand me.
Sometimes I feel like people get so caught up in their own version of who I am that the actual person standing in front of them never gets a chance to be heard.
And honestly, that shit gets old.
I’m not asking everybody to understand me. I just wish people would stop acting like they already do.
— Bo